I’ve struggled with bouts of depression since I was a little kid. Recently I went through another instance of this — where my faith, my family, my friends, my work, and productive hobbies seemed to hold little interest for me. This was not a fun experience because I’ve assumed that as I age, hopefully growing in maturity and wisdom, that I would experience more consistent joy and motivation. One thing I can say, is that I now view periods like I just went through differently: instead of trying to get them to end ASAP, I now also try to learn from them. What benefit can I take away from what I just experienced that might help me in the future.
For a number of reasons, I think it’s time for me to begin writing regularly, even if it’s just 15-minutes per day, but I’m hoping it will be more than that.
I don’t know what to write about though. I suppose a helpful place to start is ask myself: what do I want? What do I hope will come from this? And I can think of no better way to go about that question than prayer.
I know that I am uniquely and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). I know that I am made in Your image (Genesis 1). I know that you have good works prepared for me to do, from before the beginning of the age (Ephesians 2). I also know that you work with us. You desire to co-create through us, not just dictate to us. That’s part of what being made in your image is, as well as participating in your divine nature (2 Peter 1), and being destined to rule and reign with you (Revelation 20 & 21). But Lord, my own heart is a mystery to me. What is it that I most want? Father, hear my prayer, what is it that I most want? I know you’ve made me for Your glory, and I know You’re interested in the desires of my heart (Psalm 34), so give me clarity on what is the work I’m made for, which will bring me sustaining joy, bring You glory, and be a service to the world.
Lord, I believe the time has come for me to grow up in my calling as an adult – as a minister of your gospel – to put away childish things. I need help ruling my own heart. I do not want to be selfish, but I feel as if I must begin with working on myself before I can help lead or teach others. Father, I am asking for your help and grace to grow in the following:
- My faith and surrender to You.
- My love, patience with, and attention to those around me.
- Clarity on my calling — on its meaning, value, and significance.
- How to act and comport myself in the world — how to act in the midst of chaos and the unknown — how to extend Your Kingdom — bringing love, order, peace, and joy in the midst of trial.
- How to live in an orientation of listening and paying attention.
- How to bring my flesh in submission to my Spirit.
- How to communicate Your Gospel in a loving, winsome, and clear manner.
Lead me Father, in Jesus’ name.